Chuck Amuck by Chuck Jones

Author:Chuck Jones
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Farrar Straus Giroux

Panorama shot of Porky (“Comedy Relief”) Pig: DRIPALONG DAFFY (1951)

When I returned to the wagon, Spencer was gone. I grabbed a pitchfork and went looking for the thief. After looking all over the fairgrounds they finally told me that some Yankee from Chicago gave my father fifty dollars for Spencer.

My devastation was completed that evening—my mother cooked my rooster for supper.

I spent the next day planning revenge. The thought of putting a water moccasin in my father’s bed was pleasant. Then it occurred to me that anybody that mean wouldn’t be troubled by a water moccasin. By the end of the day I had concluded that I couldn’t fight them, but I could make sure that I never became one of them—so I made a vow never to become an adult, or care for an adult.

To make sure that I would never break the vow, I ate a green persimmon—eating a green persimmon was a sure way to test a person’s sincerity. Anyone who would eat a green persimmon to back up their word had to be honest. That was especially true in courtships—however, I don’t remember ever hearing of any girl eating a green persimmon.

From that time I walked into the hills and valleys of life, secure in the knowledge that I was free from adults, Yankees and unsavory aunts in particular. (It was my aunt who lured me away from Spencer with the promise of a soda pop. Deep in my heart I know that old harridan dwells in the north side of hell with all the Yankees.)

I have mellowed over the years. My vow has not been broken, only bent a little. So it is that I can tell you that you are one of the few adults I have come to love and respect.

My reason for telling you this is because I want to wish you a happy birthday and impress upon you that such a wish coming from me is no small effort.

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